well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
