You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
be right there i have to get my cape
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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