I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
