i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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