If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
