I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
