if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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