please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
