Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
