yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
