Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
In other news, I just burned my penis
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
