I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
