i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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