Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
