I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I believe in your delicious
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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