So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
