WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
