please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I am naked and annoyed.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
