there's paper in my vomit.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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