you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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