I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
