I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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