someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
