and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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