haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
