You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just pee around me
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
