since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
