How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
