We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize