batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
