I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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