i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
