just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
