I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
no you cant smoke seaweed
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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