im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
The air taste purple.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize