I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize
