Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
