hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
