i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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