it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
