he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
