so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
