I accidentally burped into my bong.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize