I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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