How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
