Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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