OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
