no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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