I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
