I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize