O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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