if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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