just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
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