i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
