It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
