I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
