now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
