saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
