i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
