i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
