on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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