doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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