I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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