is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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